Everything You Need To Know About Last Week’s News #46

In reverse order of importance:

Amanda Bynes did or said something dumb or something.

Yahoo bought Tumblr for like a billion dollars. Most of the tech world was like, so is this Geocities all over again?

Apparently the Boy Scouts didn’t actually decide to allow gay scouts in Week 41 because now the news says they allowed them in Week 46.

The Russians retrieved some animals from a space orbit test. The mice died but the lizards lived, suggesting the comforting thought that we won’t find any Mickeys out there but there might be Godzillas.

An 80-year-old Japanese man became the oldest person to scale Mount Everest, but his 81-year-old Nepalese rival is trying to reclaim his record. If this doesn’t become a documentary, then let’s just say we have a market failure in documentaries. We also had the first Saudi woman to scale the mountain. And to think that she’s still not allowed to drive.

An 8.2 earthquake struck the eastern edge of Russia, but it didn’t cause any notable damage.

A British soldier was murdered by two radical Muslims with a machete, while Swedish immigrants rioted and torched cars and buildings. Meanwhile, the latest US immigration bill reached 1,000 pages and cleared a Senate committee.

The Department of Justice surveillance scandal widened with news that a Fox reporter had his personal emails and phone records seized with a warrant signed by Attorney General Eric Holder himself.

Bridges in Washington and Missouri collapsed thanks to a tractor trailer and a train collision, respectively; thankfully no one died. Does this mean we need to spend more money on roads?

The civil war in Syria continued. We learned more about Iran and Hezbollah’s role in holding off the Syrian government from its allegedly impending collapse. Apparently the terrorists are taking a break from killing Israelis to killing other kinds of Muslims.

An F5 tornado ripped through Oklahoma and practically obliterated the small town of Moore. Thankfully only a couple dozen people died. Thankfully we’re not seeing an increasing trend of F5 tornadoes, either.