Everything You Need To Know About Last Week’s News #41

In reverse order of importance:

The Boy Scouts decided to allow gay scouts. New Zealand decided to allow gay marriage.

North Korea celebrated the birthday of their Dear Leader and actually didn’t fire any missiles or anything at anybody.

Scientists calculated three sorta-Earth-like planets in their stars’ habitable zones.

An Elvis impersonator sent letters with the toxin ricin to a senator and the president.

The House passed CISPA, which seems to be not nearly as bad as SOPA while still containing some potentially concerning privacy issues involving corporate immunity for sharing customer info with the government. Not sure if this CISPA will get farther in the Senate than last year’s version.

Hugo Chavez’s vice-president Maduro won an election to become the next quasi-dictator of Venezuela.

Stop reading here if you don’t want to learn about last week’s deaths and explosions.

A fertilizer plant exploded in Texas, leveling nearby homes and killing or wounding many.

A 7.8 earthquake struck Iran, but the quake’s depth limited its damage on the surface. A 6.6 quake struck China, killing hundreds, which was still better than other major quakes that struck the region in recent years.

Two bombs exploded near the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Everyone scoured photos for evidence. Police caught up to two non-right-wing Chechnyan suspects, where a shootout left the older brother dead and the younger brother missing. Authorities placed the entire city of Boston on semi-voluntary lockdown while helicopters and SWAT teams scoured the area unsuccessfully. About an hour after ending the lockdown, somebody went outside and found the suspect in his boat, where he was captured alive. Or something like that.