Everything You Need To Know About Last Week’s News #32

In reverse order of importance:

That renegade ex-LAPD cop guy died.

The Olympics is apparently trying to get rid of wrestling, which has only been an Olympic sport for like TWENTY-SEVEN HUNDRED YEARS.

Speaking of the Olympics, Oscar Pistorious, the runner with the creepy awesome prosthetic leg blades, was arrested and charged with murdering his girlfriend. The facts and rumors surrounding this story are both weird and heartbreaking.

Carnival cruise passengers complained and sued after being stuck aboard a stricken ship for five days with no electricity or functioning toilets. Funny to think that their ancestors voluntarily braved six-month treks across the Atlantic in such conditions like FOUR HUNDRED YEARS ago.

Obama gave his annual “State of the Union” address, causing lots of liberals and conservatives to rejoice and freak out about the unlikely prospects of $9/hr minimum wage (blog post) and “high quality” universal preschool.

Headline Of The Week: CDC Warns of Super-Gonorrhea. Monogamy continues to look like a good investment.

Speaking of hooking up, American Airlines and US Airways want to do that “merger” thing that airlines seem to like to do every few years. Maybe if I was a better economist I would understand why.

The Pope resigned while still alive for the first time in like SIX HUNDRED YEARS. If the vague interpretations of the vague prophecies of St. Malachi are true, the next pope could be THE LAST POPE.

North Korea successfully tested their third nuclear weapon in the last decade. It may have been somewhat “miniaturized,” a.k.a. “easier to fit on a missile,” a.k.a. “threatening to turn this blogger about 1-2% more neocon,” but no one knows for sure.

While everyone was waiting for a big asteroid to come miss the Earth by about 14 minutes, another slightly smaller one came out of nowhere to become the largest meteor to strike the earth in the last ONE HUNDRED YEARS. Outer space is amazing (blog post).